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There’s nothing like calling 911 after seeing a massive semi-truck flipped on the side of the Trans-Canada Hwy on your way home to really wake you up, figuratively and literally as I write half of this at 2 AM and the rest at 7 AM 37,000 feet in the air mid-flight (technology, you are amazing).

Today I leave Vancouver with a heavy heart, because although I technically left 3 months ago, today is when I feel like I am truly leaving home. 

 
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3 months ago I was caught up in the excitement, the rush, and this weird feeling of invincibility  during that initial move.

But a lot of things have really been put in perspective lately… throw in a regular dose of “Keeping up with Camille” shenanigans, an unexpected turn of events I should probably be used to, and another reason to one day make a sitcom of my life… I admit that I am exhausted from trying to constantly make sense of it all. And now for the first time in a long time, I’m scared shitless because I look ahead and am uncertain about almost everything in my life.

Quarter-life identity crisis? Overthinking aftermath? Growing pains? Anxiety from letting myself begin to hope? For once, I look into a year and am not sure of anything.

But if there is one thing I am sure of now, it is my understanding of what I call home. Yes, this beautiful province that fuels my love for the outdoors. Yes, this city that despite its imperfections, I can’t find a match no matter where I go. And yes, the little Vancouver Special house in East Van that I know like the back of my hand. But what makes my heart ache, is that home is with all the people I leave behind.

Home is where the heart is and I leave mine with friends and family who with little thought or hesitation, respond with my favourite phrase: “I’m down.” No luck to win any contest could ever compare to how lucky I am to be surrounded by people who regularly inspire me to be the best me, and give me strength at times like this. I think what makes me the most sad however, is that I won’t be around for everyone’s moments—big or small, and to grow alongside you all during that. I want to see someone's excitement about their passions firsthand, or give a hug without a 5-hour flight in the way (though know I’d still likely do it - or maybe meet me halfway?).

To everyone I got to (or tried to) spend time with during my short visit, you are who ground me. I am excited to see and hear about all the amazing things each of you have ahead, because I wish and expect nothing less. Thank you for sticking around and for making me who I am, because I hold a piece of each of you. 

So though my heart is heavy, I’m glad it’s because it’s each of you that make it full.

 

— C